this one time when i was seven i thought that i could talk to trees (because i had no friends), and i use to sit by them and say things and one day i was talking to my tree friend called kevin and this girl went up to me and said “are you talking to that tree, freak!” and i started crying and hugged on to the tree, and while she was laughing one of the branches fell on the girls head, thanks kevin.
if i ever have kids instead of being like “it’s a boy” im going to send out highly bewildering cards that say things like “it’s the chosen one” and “it’s probably not a lizard” and “we’re not sure what it is, but it just set the couch on fire, please send help” with a different thing to every person i send one to just to see what people show up at the baby shower with
jeez i would love to order that thing online, but i don’t know what size to order it in because women’s clothing sizes are determined by the alignments of the planets in relation to the fuck you galaxy
do you know what this is? this is a CHEESE SLICER.
AND WE DON’T GET WHY THE REST OF THE WORLD DON’T WANT TO USE OUR BRILLIANT INVENTION
WE HATE THE FACT THAT OTHER COUNTRIES CUT CHEESE WITH A KNIFE, POOR PEOPLE, YOU MUST BE STRUGGLING SO MUCH NO WONDER THERE’S STILL WARS TO BE FAUGHT
WHAT IF YOU CUT TOO MUCH AND THE SLICE IS TOO THICK?? OR TOO THIN AND IT’S NOT ENOUGH??
THE PROBLEMS WOULD’VE BEEN SOLVED WITH A FUCKING CHEESE SLICER COME ON PEOPLE
My spanish teacher in Norway went to Cuba and brought one with her, and even though they understood how to use it they sliced more and more cheese until they had the same amount a knife would have given them.